Archive for October, 2008

I’m a Sunflower

Go figure.

I am a

What Flower
Are You?

p.s. I wonder if I’d still be a sunflower when I’m really depressed??


October 28, 2008 at 12:00 pm Leave a comment

July 2, 2007

from a journal entry:

I think there is another me, the “real me”, that will be revealed only if I go somewhere else. And that I will sort of “shed my skin” in a different environment — I will no longer be the person who did the things I’ve done in the past. I can let go of all my baggage and be transformed, like a butterfly pushing its way out of a cocoon, to become something beautiful at long last. The person I want to be, but can’t seem to reach.

I’ve found through experience that physical movement doesn’t give the desired result! It requires a mental and emotional movement, which sort of doesn’t make sense but in a way it does.

October 25, 2008 at 1:38 pm Leave a comment

Eloquent Art

~from 92 More Must See Creative Photographs

October 24, 2008 at 6:05 pm Leave a comment

Personaity Test — 16 factor

“once I know who I’m not then I’ll know who I am…”
~Precious Illusions, Alanis Morissette

Cattell’s 16 Factor Test Results

Warmth |||||||||||||||||| 58%
Intellect |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Emotional Stability |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Aggressiveness |||||||||||| 38%
Liveliness ||||||||| 30%
Dutifulness |||||||||||||||||||||||| 74%
Social Assertiveness ||||||||| 22%
Sensitivity ||||||||||||||||||||| 70%
Paranoia |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Abstractness |||||||||||||||||| 54%
Introversion |||||||||||| 38%
Anxiety ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%
Openmindedness |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Independence |||||||||||||||||||||||| 78%
Perfectionism |||||||||||| 34%
Tension ||||||||||||||||||||| 62%

Take Cattell 16 Factor Test (similar to 16pf)
personality tests by

October 21, 2008 at 6:47 am Leave a comment

Mild Hypomania

I say mild because it hasn’t really interfered with my daily life at this point (and I pray it won’t). It’s more a matter of better than average moods and increased productivity — perhaps what is normal for other people?? But for me it is hypomania, since my normal mood is probably lower than most people’s.

I haven’t been journaling, which is probably not good. Instead I stay busy doing things. Of course, I did have that nightmare last week. I think I wrote about it here. When that occurred, I examined my emotions and talked to Judy about them (on Wednesday, which was odd — is my next appt. Wed.? I think it is. Better call her ’cause I won’t be there). Perhaps when I am like this it is best to use something tangible, i.e. artistic, to convey my feelings instead of words.

(after making picture) Well this is certainly interesting. I can’t deny that I have felt a lot of emotional pain recently. Various things really. Nothing overwhelming in itself. Perhaps I will spend some more time creating pictures and other artistic expressions of the feelings.

October 20, 2008 at 3:41 am Leave a comment

Weird experience

Earlier I had a strang evnt probably dont know if that will go ovr gas wells photo graphs good night

Update: It was indeed a strange event, which woke me suddenly — I thought it was earlier though — I was lying in bed sleeping and heard a loud noise which I thought was someone pushing my door open violently. I opened my eyes and saw a dark shape in my doorway, it seemed big, and was apparently inspired by the appearance of the Nostradamus Nutball in the Millenium episode, Jose Chung’s Doomsday Defense.

When this occurred, I had what you might call a panic or anxiety attack. My sympathetic nervous system (I think — fight or flight? yes) was in hyperdrive. Heart pounding out of my chest, shortness of breath, sweating, and so forth. I lay still, forcing my breathing to slow down, stuck in that half-awake/half-asleep state. On the one hand, I didn’t think there was really anyone in my doorway. But a part of me believed it, and that was the terrified part!

Moments later, my consciousness cleared a bit, and I sat up. No one attacked me, which was a relief. I looked around the house to see if Little Mama had knocked something over, causing the loud sound. I couldn’t find anything. I wondered if I had hallucinated it (can you hallucinate while dreaming, or is that just a part of dreaming anyway?). I got up for awhile and wrote a bit (tried at least) in here, then made a drawing of what I saw. That was more successful. But I didn’t go back to bed, I only slept fitfully in the chair. I was afraid to sleep in the bed. (this is a common thing for me though I don’t often admit it to myself)

Later I did find my Franciscan Crown rosary on the floor besides the dining table, but I don’t think that would have wakened me unless I were already on the edge of consciousness. Still, it’s possible.

October 15, 2008 at 5:54 am Leave a comment


I received this link in my email today because I subscribe to the bipolar newsletter. (I highly recommend it)
This brief article explains one reason why bipolar individuals may not accept that they have a disease, and may discontinue meds as a result of disbelief. It may not be simple denial!

October 14, 2008 at 3:26 am Leave a comment

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