Weird experience

Earlier I had a strang evnt probably dont know if that will go ovr gas wells photo graphs good night

Update: It was indeed a strange event, which woke me suddenly — I thought it was earlier though — I was lying in bed sleeping and heard a loud noise which I thought was someone pushing my door open violently. I opened my eyes and saw a dark shape in my doorway, it seemed big, and was apparently inspired by the appearance of the Nostradamus Nutball in the Millenium episode, Jose Chung’s Doomsday Defense.

When this occurred, I had what you might call a panic or anxiety attack. My sympathetic nervous system (I think — fight or flight? yes) was in hyperdrive. Heart pounding out of my chest, shortness of breath, sweating, and so forth. I lay still, forcing my breathing to slow down, stuck in that half-awake/half-asleep state. On the one hand, I didn’t think there was really anyone in my doorway. But a part of me believed it, and that was the terrified part!

Moments later, my consciousness cleared a bit, and I sat up. No one attacked me, which was a relief. I looked around the house to see if Little Mama had knocked something over, causing the loud sound. I couldn’t find anything. I wondered if I had hallucinated it (can you hallucinate while dreaming, or is that just a part of dreaming anyway?). I got up for awhile and wrote a bit (tried at least) in here, then made a drawing of what I saw. That was more successful. But I didn’t go back to bed, I only slept fitfully in the chair. I was afraid to sleep in the bed. (this is a common thing for me though I don’t often admit it to myself)

Later I did find my Franciscan Crown rosary on the floor besides the dining table, but I don’t think that would have wakened me unless I were already on the edge of consciousness. Still, it’s possible.

Part dream, part nightmare

Lately I have been bothered by disturbing dreams almost every time I sleep, whether night or daytime nap. They are related to the relationship I ended almost 2 months ago. It seems that ever since it started I had occasional nightmares, often related to trust issues. I was unable to fully trust. But the nature of the dreams has changed in the last two months. There is a jealousy element still, but I generally accept the circumstances, knowing that this is the way things have to be. I accept and yet I feel very sad. I suppose this is my mind’s way of starting the grieving process — sneak up on it using dreams, instead of jumping into it head first. Whatever works, I guess!